Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Outcome is not the End

We are raised in a society with an apocalyptic mindset. Everything is the end. The end of a relationship, the end of a season, the end of a show, the end of life, the end of the world. Even though we will pause for a moment and recognize birth as a great beginning, someone will be quick to point out that as soon as we start to live, we also start to die.

When I sit to write, as many others do, I envision the outcome, the end. If I don’t push myself out of the way, I miss all the good stuff in between, the stuff that makes it all worth it, that makes it all so sexy.

When I hit close to what would be midlife, I envisioned the legacy I would leave, if I left one at all. I got stuck because in feeling that I had to be very careful with my time, I ironically started doing very little with it. Afraid that if I committed to anything and it wasn’t the big “IT” it was essentially wasted time.

We look at life and we note failures and regrets but what makes us feel that we have not lived a life well lived is that we feel we have failed at something we have not yet done. We haven’t become successful enough in our careers, we haven’t made all the right choices, we just haven’t got it right. We look at the big picture and fail to acknowledge all the details, which contain many great successes, that have been born out of mere moments. The moment I typed the last word in the last draft, the moment I signed my name, the moment I said yes instead of no, the moment I said goodbye.

All endings aspire to be great beginnings. 

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